Reader:  I’m a high school senior looking for a college and noticed you have a university named after you.  What is your strategy in naming everything after yourself?

The Donald (Sucks):  I’ve made a conscious effort to pattern the Trump Empire after the French.  Consider how they have named countless products:  French fries, French cuffs, French toast, French kiss, French door, French horn, French pastry, French tickler, French dressing, French man, French poodle and the like.  Why re-invent the wheel?  If it was good enough for the French, it was good enough for me.  And that my young capitalist friend is how I invented Trump Towers, Trump Park Avenue, Trump World Tower, Trump Place, Trump Palace, Trump World, Trump Villas, Trump Clothing Line and Trump Cologne as just a sampling of the products, buildings and properties named after me.

I’ve placed Kelly Perdew, our third season Apprentice winner, in charge of branding.  His primary charter is naming all products after me.  During one particularly memorable strategic planning session with my senior management team, Kelly challenged the team to think of every remaining word in the dictionary without Trump.  It was while we were laboring through the “U’s” we realized there wasn’t a Trump University.  It was also during this inspired moment we laid the groundwork for our next round of products: Trump fries, Trump fries with cheese, Trump fries with cheese and chili, and Trump fries with cheese, chili and onions.

Yes, Virginia, Trump University is indeed a real university similar to McDonald’s Hamburger University.  You can purchase a wide array of Trump logo baseball caps, t-shirts, sweat shirts and polo shirts from Trump University.  My bestseller books featured on the web site double as the Trump University curriculum.  As an example, purchase my tell all get rich lessons as featured in “The Art of the Deal” and you will automatically be enrolled in Trump University.  I’m offering a special deal on this landmark book.  It normally retails for $21.95, but I’m selling it for $13.97, plus $7.95 for shipping.  You can purchase this same book at any Borders or Barnes & Noble for $1.97 and save the shipping expense, but you would not be enrolled in Trump University.

mail@thedonaldsucks.com

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